he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
