i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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