mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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