Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
