Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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