I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
