Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
