sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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