Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
