So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
