she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
