Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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