you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
