so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
