HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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