did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
