That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
