There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
