if you like me you must not know who I am
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
