While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
