Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
