a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize