i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
