Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
