Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
