I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am spending my child support on dildos
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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