I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
