Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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