Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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