I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
