I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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