I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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