it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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