the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
