just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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