i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
