so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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