guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
