help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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