we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
