3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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