i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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