Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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