i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
