I wish I could punch you in the face.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
