I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
