Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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