I feel great
I just peed on a car
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
