it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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