Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
