Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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